We all have our morning routines as we drag our sorry behinds out of bed to face another day of punchin’ the clock.  For me it involves a quick scrub, some business casual, a cup of joe, and a 45 minute pain free commute.  Once I arrive at work I normally rush to put my things down before the coffee from earlier reminds me of a much needed release.  As I approach the nearest bathroom I’ll evaluate the high/low of the situation, and usually concede that I was no match for the dinner the night before.

In this particular bathroom I use, there is but one lonely stall.  It’s a good stall though, as it’s handicap equipped, allowing for unimpeded concentration with minimal pucker factor.

There is one problem though.  On at least half the days, I am ousted by some man of mystery wearing black pointed shoes and dress pants.  As I burst through the main door, I am always saying a little prayer that the stall door will be opened, and when it’s not, it takes everything in me to not curse the guy enjoying my inner sanctuary.  To make matters worse, he always let’s out an announcement of his small victory with a loud throat clearing cough that drives me even closer to the edge.  It’s like saying,” Hey man, pee if you want but there is no time limit on this stall…I’ve beaten you….and even if you crap after me, all you’ll think about is that I was just here before you.”

Leave it to Urban Dictionary to already have this expression covered with the term “Can Cough” :

Coughing, clearing your throat, or making some noise while in a public bathroom stall to let people entering the bathroom know not to even try the stall door. Especially used when door lock is missing or doesn’t work.

man #1 enters bathroom and heads towards stall
can cough comes from behind stall door
man #2 uses different stall

So this led to me coming in extra early in the morning just to claim stake to my rightful thrown.  When I’m perched and I hear the bathroom door open up, I rarely give the courtesy “can cough”, but take great solace in knowing that this guy’s day will suck just a little more as he sighs and departs.

A few times he has still beaten me due to traffic along my commute, but at those times I can keep my composure in knowing that his victory will be short lived.  If only people knew this little battle we have kept up for so many months now.